just ask already

i have a friend who always complains to me that she isn't getting what she wants out of a romantic relationship. and i always ask her, "oh, have you talked to that person about what you want?" and she always says NO. (which, yeah, i know she hasn't done.)

another friend told me a few nights ago that he would rather do anything than ask for help. and i quote: "if i was bleeding to death, i'd rather walk than get a lift from someone; ideally i'd stitch myself up so the hospital wouldn't have to help."

complaining is easy; suffering in silence can be taxing; asking for what you want can be really fucking hard. but guess what? it's THE ONLY WAY to absolutely get what you want.

i just read a #miraclesnow post about this and gabby says she sees it everywhere: people don't want to ask for a raise, ask for help, or even ask someone to listen to what they have to say. one key is that you have to know what you want to ask for (another blog i wrote about this: attracting abundance). once that's identified, there's still that block about actually doing the asking.

one of the things i've had the most trouble with is asking people for help. lately i've begun to get a little more comfortable with this. i'm not sure exactly why; i think it's just that i kinda finally realized that my friends don't mind helping me. sure, i love helping my friends, but i always thought it would be terrible for them to have to help me. independence was always a very highly valued characteristic in my life. being single in a big city has taught me that sometimes i need help, though: sometimes things get hectic.

asking for help when i feel like i'm going to binge and purge: ehhh, sometimes. asking for help when i need some general support: that's a little easier. asking for a ride to or from the airport: last year? probably not. but now, yeah, you better believe i'll ask you. because it's way more fun, way easier, and way cheaper. (ps: who wants to take me to the airport may 28? kthanks.) so, i'm getting there.


my bestie found a dresser in my trash last weekend (well, in the trash room--it was in great condition!). she needed help getting it to her apartment, but she didn't want to ask most of our friends. she felt uncomfortable asking for something that seemed like a big favor. i tried to convince her that people would either say yes or no; it wasn't her job to decide whether or not someone was able or willing to help her. she finally did find someone to help her, and now she has a great dresser... and for free! and i wonder: was it really that terrible asking for a friend's help... was it really worth all the worry she invested?

yeah: i'm saying you should ask for help, in whatever situation. and i'm saying i've been trying... but i still don't always do it. a friend helped me clean my whole apartment this morning before some guests showed up for the week. like he cleaned the floor of my bathroom. umm, i don't want you to be grossed out, but i've NEVER cleaned the floor of my bathroom in the past year and a half in that apartment. (ahem, but the shower water basically does it for me, right?) i didn't ask him to help, but i was the most grateful i could have ever been. and i wondered afterward why i didn't actually just ask him, or someone, for some help. what's the worst that would happen? one of my friends would say "not this time"? hmmm, i guess that wouldn't be so terrible, huh?

even though i didn't ask for help this morning, i got it. but i think that part of it could've been that i'm occasionally super lucky in life. [and i'm always super lucky in friends!!]

ok. so maybe there's some fear surrounding asking for what you want. but approaching it with an expectation of love and miracles can have an amazing effect. try it with something little first. even try it silently with the universe first. then work up to telling the boy you like that you want to date him seriously. (AHEM, you know who you are!)

because "you just might find, you get what you need." xo