Thursday, January 30, 2014


yesterday i listened to a podcast about black boxes. you know: when something goes in and something else comes out, but we don't really know how or why. both the scientist and the yoga instructor in me were fascinated by the three stories. the last part of the podcast, "goo and you," was about caterpillars, butterflies, and that mysterious black box in the middle: the chrysalis.

so, i didn't know this, but apparently we don't know a whole lot about how caterpillars shed one body and become a whole new being. but, we do know some things. first of all, we know that if you condition caterpillars to be fearful of a certain smell, they will retain that conditioning once the become a butterfly. which means: they aren't a whole new being; they carry with them memories (painful memories) from their past life. also: if you cut open a caterpillar, you can find the beginning of wings held inside their bodies. which means: their future self, their next evolution of themselves, is already growing in their current self. ummm. woah. that's pretty crazy, right?!

and that begs the question: what of my future self is in me right now? ...and how can i nurture it? how can i foster its development and growth so that it truly blossoms?

and, how can i guarantee that i've learned the lessons from my past life? how can i make sure that i keep those past life experiences close to my heart without letting them fully define me?

well, yoga. meditation. reflection. and a heaping sprinkling of love and hope.

i guess i don't really know what's next for me. but i'm excited to find out.

i'll be in my chrysalis. i'll let you know on the other side. x

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

mistakes were made

i have a friend who loves the quote "mistakes were made." he loves it so much, in fact, that i can't hear the word "mistake" without thinking of him saying that phrase.

"mistakes were made" was made famous by politicians such as Nixon, and further popularized by comedians. the phrase implies that the person speaking the phrase made a mistake, but that they are not at fault for the mistake.

making mistakes: we all do that. admitting there were mistakes: relatively harder to do, but not altogether difficult. owning mistakes: potentially terrifying.

but you know what? if we don't own our mistakes, we don't grow. in fact, nothing really happens at all. so?

make mistakes... just make sure you grow from them.

i'm practicing: releasing the blame, releasing the hurt, offering and hoping for forgiveness. i'm learning; i'm growing. even though the past few days have felt terrible, i can also feel thankful for the opportunity arising from this pain. i'm glad that i've been challenged on my thoughts, words, and actions. my mistakes were made for me (so i could grow), but my mistakes were made for you (so i could grow for you).

i'm anticipating great things happening.
and tomorrow.
for me.
and for those i love.
and i'm super glad for all the love. #twss

xo: KR, AS, MJR

Sunday, January 19, 2014

anxieties and realities

i've had this one huge nagging anxiety that has been plaguing me for six weeks: that this one specific person i really care about would reject me. and guess what? two days ago it happened. the amount of pain and hurt that i'm feeling right now is pretty intense. but what's funny is that there is also a sense of calm. because my big fear was just realized. which means i don't have anything left to be anxious about.

but i can't help but think that all of the attention i focused on that anxiety is partially at fault here. where we place attention in our lives is so important. what i failed to realize before is that my anxiety was not reality. it seemed like it was, in spring-world, but that's only because i was putting so much attention there.

placing attention where we need it in our lives can be tricky. i am constantly sidetracked by emotional responses that do not serve me. purposefully placing attention is an art. one of my favorite yoga teachers, elena brower, has a workbook centered around this idea. cue purposeful reflection time.

so today, i took a lot of time for self-care. i practiced confidence and courage. i spent time alone without distractions: lots of walking, yoga, writing, and cooking. i meditated forgiveness. and all of my attention now is on love and happiness. because that's the reality i want to create. and it will have deep roots and deep strength.

pay attention to positives. try some little pieces of happy.

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

teaching the world

in this new year, i'm renewing my commitment to my relationship to myself: renewing the commitment to keep working on it and allowing it to blossom.

i usually find the beginning of a new year a little daunting. i hate making resolutions; i hate putting additional pressures and rules on my life. i just want today to be another day.

but it isn't just another day. it's another year.

this morning i was feeling a little depressed, a little crazy, and a little negative toward myself. i was missing one of my friends, i was reflecting on the past year, and i was feeling a little anxious about the new year.

now. let me revise what i just wrote. see all of those "little" statements? they're lies. i was feeling a lot today. a. lot.

this afternoon i managed to get myself onto my mat for an online yogaglo class with elena. it's a class i've done before; one that i often go to when feeling like i was feeling today. what's funny is that it helps me every time. like somehow i forget the lessons from it.

and then i'm reminded.

at the end of this class, elena says "how we relate to ourselves teaches the world how to relate to us." oh. shit. that's totally what i did not do today. i was freaking mean to myself all morning. i was beating myself up all afternoon. is that what i want from the world? is that what i want for my new year? hell. no.

so when i notice self-negativity, i promise myself that i will use my practice to soften and release it. "teach the world how to treat you by how you treat yourself." yeah. i will. #xo2014